


Iron and Blood

by samidha



Series: S3-04 Hiatus and S4 Reactions and Sundry [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Betrayal, Bobby Singer's Panic Room, Dark Dean Winchester, Episode Related, Episode: s04e20, Episode: s04e20 The Rapture, Gen, Hell, POV Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-04
Updated: 2009-05-04
Packaged: 2018-12-12 19:52:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11744001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/samidha
Summary: Dean's only plan is to turn the car for Bobby's.





	Iron and Blood

**Author's Note:**

> It's possible this was the most painful fic I ever wrote. I tried to keep Dean as canonical as possible and it was legitimately frightening at the end of S4. There is a reason I write so much pre-series. This fic freaks me out so much I get bad shivers and I almost didn't post it. I know S4 is small potatoes to some but it really wasn't at the time. So without further ado my personally freakiest S4 fic, and a really painful Dean moment.

Whatever Dean says to Bobby, he doesn't remember it in the car. He remembers keeping space between him and Sam, he remembers being on the other side of a wall with his dread ( _he can't see, he can't see_ ), shaking, and _pickupbobby pickup no don't--_ and Bobby's voice.

The admission rips out of Dean and he chokes on defeat but he doesn't remember the words, can't--won't--remember them. Dean won't remember damning his brother the final time.

This is so far from the way he thought it would be.

You can't plan for the end of the world.

Sam has plans and they're not only killing Sam, they're killing Dean.

Dean turns off. He sees the blood on Sam's mouth and he can't think of his brother, he _can't_ because Dean has work to do, he always has, and he has to deal with the civilians and then he needs to get out of here.

Bobby calls back, calls Sam, when they're in the car and Dean isn't really breathing until he has to speak.

He knows his voice is flat, there's no surprise, he knows there are no illusions and when Sam thinks about this later Sam will remember that.

Dean's only plan is to turn the car for Bobby's.

The old man's going to have to take it from there. He's going to have to.

There are some things Dean can't do.

He holds that in his head while he doesn't talk to Sam. While he drives with Sam in his car. He thinks he hasn't really been driving with Sam in his car for a long time and maybe he isn't now either. But he sat by the bed in Cold Oak and in the end he got something that was almost Sam, mostly Sam. Everything he's done is for the Sam he has left, he has no choice. So this--this part he can do. He isn't even shaking anymore. He doesn't play music and he doesn't talk and Sam's done talking too.

So they're done.

*~*~*

Dean doesn't think about it again until they're in front of the door. His throat hurts and his face is blank and Sam's used to that so he's been talking to Bobby because someone has to. Dean doesn't have to say anything--Bobby isn't stupid. He knows where Dean has been even if he doesn't--can't--won't ever--know what Dean did there.

Bobby knows some things on earth are still bad enough to send Dean reeling too. Maybe just this, but it's enough.

And Bobby steps forward a little, doesn't hesitate, and Dean's grateful for two seconds until he hears him shout in Sam's face.

"You are!" Bobby growls and manhandles Sam inside and ( _no no no Sam no_ ) Dean sees his brother. He sees his brother, shocked and hurt and shrinking back, betrayal and fear clear on his face and Dean has to breathe, he has to, because there is no other way.

No other way. ( _Sam God Sam don't look at me like that._ )

The door closes and Dean swears his heart stops right then, but that's not the worst.

The worst is when Bobby closes the slot and everything goes dark for Dean because all there is is cold iron and he can't feel Sam. He can't feel Sam anymore.

Even on the rack, Dean felt Sam, somehow, every time his brother's name passed through his mind, every time he screamed.

_He climbs down, a cruel smile on his face already, he's been waiting, he's been ready, and the first thing he does is grab for Alastair's essence and pull. Alastair only smiles and the darkness seeps from him and settles into Dean, into Dean forever but right now Dean is only focused on holding it in his hand._

_In the grand scheme of things, she's no one special. She didn't eat babies for breakfast or promise her soul to a demon in exchange for the most beautiful child in all the land, even if that's barely anything at all. But Dean is past caring, has been for a long time. He pulls at Alastair's essence, he pulls at the demons all around, and he holds the black smoke in his grip. Alastair smiles and presses a knife into his hand, a knife of power sharp enough to cut into all that she has ever been._

_Dean makes the cut and flings the demon smoke inside and she howls and quakes, eyes rolling back, light spilling out to be replaced by dark, dark black._

_And then Dean picks up the iron rod (he can, he can, he is perfect just for this) and he shoves it through the cut after the smoke. With only that and the power of his own soul Dean sends the smoke to vapor inside of her, her essence burning away from the inside._

_And it isn't enough, it isn't enough after all Dean has seen but he hears a cheer go up in hell. He smells blood and that, at least, is beautiful._

_After that, they keep Dean in an iron room, and he does his work and slowly, slowly the pain is returning but it will never be what it was before. He has control. Sam is lost to him but he has this now and if he's not safe at least it's for both of them. And he doesn't think of his brother for ten years, because it's over._

Dean is on the other side of the iron door, his back pressed right up against the metal, and everything's dark and nothing in the world is safe.


End file.
